New blog

Since I didn't want to change this one I decided to make a new blog for my lymphoma ramblings and foul mouth, ZionVald.blogspot.com enjoy

Dear Internet,

I can't believe I am starting this nonesense up again, but I need somewhere to express my fears - because I'm very scared... I got some bad news yesterday, that I might have lymphoma, which is a type of cancer, well, the doctor is pretty sure I have Lymphoma, he just doesn't know what kind or what stage, I waited all day for a phonecall and will probably wait tomorrow as well, then probably there will be no phonecall during the weekend but I expect I might get the call on monday...  that call will be the doctor telling me to come in for some biopsy or whatever it is called... then after they look at that they might know more... until then I don't know what any of this means...
I'm so scared that it's the most severe of all lymphoma and on final stage, I'm pretty sure of it, but I can't help it... I of course hope for the least serious verdict but I can't help, I always expect the worse...
right now I feel mostly just numb, numbness that I expect a panic attack to follow, but it doesn't seem to be coming... I don't know why... - I just want to be held, I want to be small and insignificant in someone else's arms, someone strong preferably... someone who can "protect me" - but I know this is just silly... one should never even think such things out loud... I just don't want to be alone... I'm so damn lonely...

well screw this, I was going to watch something on youtube but my computer has decided that everything I want to watch should be played 5xspeed it's supposed to be so I'm just going to go to sleep and hope to just not have to wake up until I can know something...

Is it too much to ask for a computer who doesn't say fuck you the moment I need it? for friends that don't say fuck you the moment you need them and a mother that gives a shit? - is it???

Well, fuck this shit, I'm going to sleep..
-Zion

Helllooooo (echoes through an empty thread)

So internet, how are things? not much going on is there?

I just wanted to blog about my obsession, Vampire the Requiem! - I love it, I love this game, and I could spend my whole life imagining myself to be a vampire within the world of VtR... - especially Glasgow, created by my friend Magga, her version of Glasgow is much gloomier and dangerous then the real thing, not that I will share any details here seeing as it's her place and her creation...

but I just wanted to rant on and on about how I love my characters, seeing them form and start to become real to me. My first character Scarlet was a real success, she became in fact so awesome that I can hardly play her anymore, seeing as she's just too powerful... no challange left really... - so I decided to make a new character, well she decided to embrace her ghoul - which makes for a very nifty character plot, see, he's been in her service for over ten years, he's addicted to vitae and completely bound to her by blood, which makes it very difficult for him to function in the invictus ruled society of Glasgow, he's also a very sexual creature, and very open minded when it comes to choosing a partner for that act (basically anything that is old enough and human enough) he's gorgeous and tall and he's a hairdresser/make up artist, and in 1956 he's a rockabillygod, as I get into his character I love him more and more... I mean, sure I miss playing Scarlet she's such an awesome vampire, but he is growing on me, I'm really starting to become alive within me, becoming a part of who I am, and becoming a sort of entity like Scarlet is in my head.... - which makes it even more fun :D - I have a mission impossible ongoing for him now, he's trying to bed the palladin of Lancea Sanctum, not likely to happen but he's really really going to succeed :) - well enough ranting about him, I will now continue cooking, spaghetti with red sauce, coming up :D